Although this is an article I wanted to write a few months ago, the reason I'm writing this now is this study that says that men's storytelling ability affects their attractiveness and perceived status. So can you be more attractive with good conversation skills and if this is true, the question is why appearance make men insecure?
Note: Like any other article of mine, and here I will write about what is true, based on studies and my experiences. Although you may hear that appearance is not matters at all and that the only thing that matters is your confidence, we have to remember and the people who say that. For example, the people saying the appearance is not matters, are the same people who have anxiety about how they look and they're trying in front of their mirror to look attractive, or they are saying that confidence is the only thing that matter and the same time they are trying to hide something from their appearance (eg baldness with a hat, fat with clothes etc). So, you might not like what you read, keep reading at your own risk...
The truth is that men (and women, but this blog is for men) have an anxiety about their body and how they look, to the point that many times becomes an obsession. Only from the comments on so many Youtube's videos from muscular men, you can understand that today more and more young people have in their minds the impression that if you are not muscular, you can not have success with women, and there are also a lot of negative comments to fat Youtubers.
I can't understand how to listen to an attractive man, who tries to look at his best, telling you that appearance is not matters. In my opinion, Kezia want guys like him for her 'wild nights' and she's doesn't give a f*ck about any other characteristics a man has (Personality? Who has time for that?)...
That is the reason that steroids are so popular in the gyms today and many men are putting their hormonal system in danger, in a - desperate to me - attempt to make a good body. Because truth must be told, 80% of men who are trying to build their body, they do it mainly because they want to look good to women, not because they just want to have a nice body.
Do good storytelling ability matter?
As I mentioned, there is a study that says that if know how to speak, you can perceive status and thus helps you to attract women. Sure, but it's something some blogs overlooked when they write about this study. This study says that good storytelling ability can help only with long-term relationships rather than instant attraction. That is the key to making a good connection with a woman and has to do only with women you already know (eg social circle) or dating. It can't be applied to women you just met, because you don't have this kind of connection yet.
What is a good storytelling or a great conversation? Are some magical words, that only a few men know and when they are telling them to women, women fall in love? No, in fact, is the confidence a man has, so he can say anything he wants. If a girl likes you, then she will listen to anything you are telling her, even to the most boring stuff. But if she doesn't like you, then she is not going to listen to you. Just think this for a moment, a nerd could talk for hours about many things, but he lacks the confidence to do this. And women don't like them. So, good conversation = confidence.
Does Character Count?
Yes, it counts. You will listen to a lot of women saying that they want a man who is kind, a knight and generally very nice, however, there is a little thing women avoid to say. That 1st) they want a good and kind man, but only when they want him for a long-term relationship or to marry him and 2nd) good men are only in their friend list. So, for the character to count, you should build attraction first.
What's considered good-looking?
What exactly is good looking? A nice face or a muscular body? A good-looking person (with or without a muscular body) is what the society (and the media) trying to pass as attractive. Also, what we find attractive is based on our criteria, see the above paragraph for muscular men.
For example, some decades ago, attractive was a man like John Wayne, a bit fat but masculine man. Then Bruce Lee changed what is attractive (a thin but muscular body) to change once again with Arnold Schwarzenegger. So, for today's society as good looking man we mean a good looking man with a muscular body.
In the following video, the famous pranker Fousey set up some dates, but he avoided to show to them that he is bald. Although we can understand why women behave like this it this video, because he shows to them that he lacks confidence with this move, but we never know if women would go on a date with him if they knew from the beginning that he's bald. However, for the bald guys out there, bald men are perceived as more attractive.
This 'looks vs confidence' topic is split into two parts. One part concerns women who already know you through friends or any other social situation. Those women, even if they are not into you from the beginning, they can change their mind over time, because you can show to them your true self and your character. The other part now is for the most guys who are looking to meet women through cold approaches and this is the part I will discuss in more depth.
Does Confidence Really Matter?
The truth is that confidence is very important for a man. However, confidence is not the key to have a relationship. For example, I'm sure that you have a friend who maybe is "nerd" or "beta", not so good looking, which definitely had some relationships in the past or even he's married. That means that the lack of confidence for this man wasn't an obstacle for a relationship with a woman (as I said in the above paragraph).
So confidence counts a lot and often wins any negative impressions you may have from your looks (as I said in older articles, for me, the appearance and the confidence is something like a scale, if you miss one, so you should put more from the other to keep a balance), but not always. I wrote an article about women who complain because only ugly men approach them (even if they are having confidence, they have no hope with them because they are ugly).
And if you think that is only a few women who complain about the ugly guys who are approaching them, then you should read this study, saying that when women want one night stand, they are looking for and choosing only the attractive men. Sorry guys, that's science.
What about brutality?
The last years, pickup community is in "love" with a more brutal/tough type of game, maybe a caveman style, where they believe that they can win many women like our ancestors did. Let's bust the myth of "strong" or "Neanderthal" type of male, that when you show a boldness style, women will recognize it from afar and want to have sex with you instantly.
Although it's something it can have very good results with women (we all know that women want strong men, truly strong men and not fake guys who are trying to look something they are not), it's something that mainly concerns the animal kingdom, not humans (after all, these studies are based on animals) and is probably the small "detail" that many gurus 'forgot' to mention. Yes, we have the primitive instincts within us, but don't forget that quite a few hundreds of years have passed since the time we took women by force to our cave.
Because, unlike animals and our ancestors, each of us has our passions and choices related to the type of woman (or man, for women) we want and there is no "one for all" logic. Every time, different factors are playing role in attraction and are not something standard. Unless you think that because you like eg. only brunettes, all women have the same needs, and they are just waiting for the ugly man to approach them and they will love and obey him, no strings attached.
Snap Back to Reality
But let's see now how the things really are. We said about brutality and that women are attracted by tough men, which is confirmed by our society and it's correct. But how many guys of the community, let's say from 1000 people engaged in self-confidence and the "I'm Brutal, bia*ch" topic, have reached a point where they can impress a woman with their style only?
How many of them are really put their "beta" mask off (because pretty much all the so-called "PUAz" was "betas" and AFCs when they started) and most women are attracted by only looking at them?
How many "PUAs" look like a brutal man? A real male? A tough man? A leader? Do you know anyone who only by looking at him, you realize that he is a true leader, a man with power? Do you know anyone?
How many "PUAs" have developed a "brutality" or a "manliness" (I'm not referring to fake situations where insecure people are trying to act like someone they are not), but those men whereupon their entrance in any bar, women view them as a REAL man, a man who can give them the sex they crave for, so women can't take their eyes away from them?
How many of them (the PUAs), when other men saw them upon entering a bar, they are feeling this "superiority" an intense competition? Or even, how many women approached these guys?
And finally, how many of them really searched the self-improvement so deep, without just rehashing someone's else ideas? 20? 50? 100?
Yeah, teach me, master, how to become like you, a 'true alpha male'. And don't forget to add some photos with lions and wolfs, to be more 'authentic'...
And how many men now, who are not into this "self-improvement" community, are working on themselves and they developed or have huge confidence? How many of them, are not being a couch potato and they work in every aspect of their game or on their appearance? I believe that expressions like "beauty do not matters" are from men who are bored to improve themselves.
Speaking of animals and alpha situations and how others can understand a real man from afar, see the following video and you will understand it better. At first, the hyenas are not afraid by other lions, until (at 2:10) the real male ("He who Greets with Fire") is coming (see how this lion is entering), and then the hyenas are running when they see him. This is the difference I mentioned above, how the real male makes a difference by only looking at him. Note: Because in 2016 the world has become so "sensitive" to the point of stupidity and they forget how this f*cking nature works, beware, in the end, it kills the hyena. Watch it at your own risk.
So most men definitely CANNOT impress a woman with their style alone, while some of them trying other tricks to win them. And as I mentioned earlier about those "tricks" and how ridiculous they are, when someone doesn't have it naturally and tries something just because he read it online, let's see a research that confirms what I'm writing.
Women, will tolerate bad behavior from handsome men more than from ugly men, according to this study. So, when you watch someone who approaches a woman boldly, just wonder if his appearance was the reason that let him do this (or if he just paid her for this video, we saw it many times).
Note that I am referring to men who are trying to act like a "bad boy" or a "brutal caveman", or even like a "pimp", without having it (really, a "pimp"? So a virgin guy can become a pimp?). As I have said and before, women do not look bad boys just because this style has something magic on it, but because these guys can promise better sex. So, women can have their relationship and do not want to divorce, but they can keep seeing someone who makes better sex with their boyfriend. And this is something confirmed by studies.
"Nightline" TV Show hired two actors for one speed-dating experiment to confirm it looks matters in dating. And because there are some men who do not know what they see in a video and they impressed easily ("oh, he speaks to a woman with comfort, he is the best player I've ever seen"), the "fun" starts at 1:45, where this woman simply avoid them. But when (at 4:00) the actor comes into the play, women are impressed from him immediately (eg, at 4:45), but then they are turned off from his selfish style.
Approaching women and confidence
Yes, but in an approach (eg in the day), the most direct approach is better than the appearance, isn't it? Are women impressed by this approach, regardless of a man's appearance or not?
First we should say that not all women want to be approached by strangers and random guys, okay? Even if a woman is comfortable with strangers talking to her, does not that mean she's single and she's looking in the streets for a man?
PUAz keeps saying that women are always seeking for the ultimate male, whether in a relationship or not, that women are looking for good sex even in a relationship and yet, their boyfriend is certainly a beta male and not good in bed, but this is not always the truth, OK?
They are even saying that women are always looking for the alpha male in the streets and they will fall in love with someone who approaches them with a line like "I saw you from there and I want to say hello", but this is not true. Women hearing this type of lines 24/7 in the streets and PUAz are just saying this because they want to get your money.
But the sure thing is that there are many girls looking for a mate. And because it's a subject that certainly wants a lot of talking, let's save time, blog space and thoughts with one video. This dude from SimplePickup wanted to put an end to this conflict, so he wears a uniform that makes him look like a very fat guy. Of course with that video, he confirms (unintentionally of course) something I have written in my previous article, that women don't want to be approached when are in streets or parks and sometimes they will give you their number, but only because they want you to leave them alone without trouble.
These number, especially from day game approaches, means nothing. I will analyze this for a second, to the guys who are new to this community and my blog. In the eyes of a noob, the following video will seem amazing and they even think that this guy has something on him that makes all women want to give their number to him, regardless of his appearance. But if you look closer, you will see that women are giving their number just to leave them alone, without any trouble (you will not see any sign of their body language that says they are attracted to him). For example at 2:00, where he tells her to order a pizza, have sex etc, I believe that even if he talked about UFOs, the girl would have the same behavior, just to leave her alone without make him feel bad (because certainly in editing, he cut and some "not so cool" scenes).
So, Do Looks Matters?
Yes, looks matters a lot, either for a cold approach or for seeking a job especially if you are among other people for that job. Your appearance is the green light a woman will give you, whether we like it or not.
Imagine the same video with an ugly man. Do you believe that they had the same reaction?
And if you still thinking that this is something not true, then ask yourself this: Why are so many -unattractive- PUAz caught to having models in their videos? If anyone can win a woman with his style and confidence, then why they can't just attract a woman and they are paying them?
In the following video, is a scene from reality "Dating in the dark (Season 2 Ep. 7, UK)". In this show, people choosing the opposite sex in the dark, so their reactions are hidden from the others. While choosing them for their personality, in many videos you can see reactions like the following, where clearly this woman does not like her selection. At 4:10 you can see them speak (in the dark) as a good company and of course his character won her over. But when she sees him, her first impression is over...
A nice appearance make others to take you seriously, while according to studies, good looking sellers are more successful simply because people like to be with them, talking to them and have sex with them (yes, as the article says, there are many women who buy from handsome guys in order to have sex with them and vice versa).
If you are not good looking, you have no social status, you have no confidence, then you need to have something else (money). What did this dude from Simple Pickup in the above video say? That woman can't be impressed by money and status; Let's take a look...
So, if I am not a good-looking guy, I must stop Pickup?
No, that is not the purpose of this article and the blog in general. In this blog, I write the truth, as I see things happened from my experiences, so I can find (or we can find) solutions for everything. Although as we can now understand that the appearance is important in dating, it does not mean that if you are not a model, you will not have success.
If you do not have a good appearance, you can improve many things for you to raise your shares in dating. The bad thing when you don't have good looks and refuse to change, hoping that women who are 10's will want you for what you are from the inside. It's not how society works bro. Let's be honest, women do not spend most of their time in front of a mirror to have a man who's very ugly.
Sure, confidence and any other "brutal" methods can help you to be more attractive to women. But is something difficult to achieve and takes a lot of time to improve your inner game. So, you can work on your body and get more easily results, while at the same time you are working on your confidence (your confidence will be boosted, if you are receiving compliments on your looks though). it's a win-win.
And you must remember the following. If your goal is simply to meet a woman, either to marry her or to have a good relationship and having fun, you should avoid this "alpha male" and "brutal" type of game. Who wants to spend time (it takes a long time to change your beliefs), only to find a girlfriend? Unless you really want to become an alpha male who does not go unnoticed by others.
As I wrote above, even the shy men can find good women, don't believe the community's hype on "Alpha Males". To change your appearance, it's something that does not require a lot of time, and with a little change in your clothes, a huge difference can be made in one night. According to research, men who wear clothes from famous designers, especially clothes who have known stamps on them, perceived as high status.
And it is something that I imagine you can experience for yourself, if you see someone who's dressed in expensive clothes, you take him as a rich guy. I am not promoting expensive clothes or want you to be a fashion victim, but I want to tell you how much important is your appearance.
How Much More Attractive Can You Become In 6 Months?
This blog covers both inner and outer game. You can now understand that appearance gets the green light from women, but appearance cannot do much without confidence. Confidence is needed to move things further, but confidence alone can't do much either (you can do a lot with women if you just be confident, but we are talking about real and huge confidence).