If you read any dating book (or any other PU product), you will see how they are giving great importance on approaching random women. Indirect, Direct, Passive, Brutal, Caveman, Pimp style or any other type of approach from the PU-sphere and everyone wondering what's the best pickup line and what's the perfect approach. The only thing, however, that no one is asking "Do women like to be approached?".
"Who cares about women?", you may ask. If we are "Alpha Males" women will want to have sex with us, you may say. But we need to know if women want to be approached by some random guys.
But again, you may say that this is not necessary since all PUAs are saying that women waiting for men to approach them and they will simply "shut up" when a real man approach them (hey, we forgot about shit tests already?). We have to ask (and analyze) and a woman's aspect of this.
Note: In this article I talk mostly about cold approaches, ie once you see a random girl (and either she sees you or not), either with a cooler style ( "sorry", or "can I ask you something?", etc.) or with a more brutal and sometimes strange style (weirdo-style like saying I haven't had sex in months etc).
Although I know that articles like this will make people hate me, I'm suggesting to think about this first, taking out of your mind every marketing shit that various self-improvement companies gave you and see things as they really are, without any fanaticism to companies and their instructors.
I'm also not suggesting you avoid cold approaches at all. I had many positive results from cold approaches. But this type of approach is not always working and surely is not working for everyone. So we will analyze why is not working for everyone and how you can "game" a girl without approaching her so you can be sure about the result.
This question is something me and my wingmen had and as it seems and others too. In the following video, some women in Germany were asked how they want to be approached by men. For English subtitles, click on the gear and select them from the menu. Note that these men in this video are not PUAs (at least they are not mentioning it somewhere). Their similarities? They have the same results and they get the same behavior from women, like so many PUAs in their videos, such as Johnny Berba for example. So, what's the difference between these guys and the PU instructors? Nothing, except the fact that a PUA takes your money.
My theories were usually "born" from random events, which makes me search it deeper and see what is true and what is not. I do not care about any PUA's or any other guru's opinion on something, if I don't see it with my own eyes and through my own experiments or see it in action with people I know, so I can get a safe conclusion.
So, although in many cold approaches I was getting some negative reactions like "don't you see that I'm with my friends?", "what do you expect from me to say in front of my friends?" etc, one particular answer from a woman was enough for me to start looking more about this topic.
When a friend of mine (and my wingman) approached a girl in a cafeteria (I always try my ideas with other people with different game level and appearance so I can understand what's working and what's not), she told him that he insulting her in front of her friends (and it was a very simple approach, not something weird).
Before we continue, let's ask ourselves the following. Do you know who a woman call "desperate" and "weird"? A man who likes a girl and tells her about, and maybe acts as desperate sometimes. Is this bad? No, he just tried to pick her up, perhaps with a strange approach, but he tried it and maybe he tried to pick and other girls up too.
You know what is the paradox of the game? That many PUAs have absolutely no difference from a desperate man, at least in a woman's eyes (you may have heard in your approach, something like for example "Are you doing this often;" or "you have this as a profession, huh; or "you say this to all girls, aren't you?" etc), showing to you that they are not satisfied by the fact that you "just find her attractive and you wanted to say a hello".
An approach with huge confidence sometimes shows to the girl that is something you are doing every day and you just looking desperate to get laid -at least in her eyes.
Unless, of course, if you believe that if a woman sees you walking around the streets, approaching every girl you see, she believes that you are an Alpha male who have sex every day and women are begging you to make love to them. If that was true, you wouldn't be out looking for girls.
One day, I was watching a friend while he was approaching a woman on a street (I was ahead to see their reactions) and when she rejected him, she went to her friend who - by luck - waited near me. Then I heard her saying "you will not believe it, a guy just tried to pick me up". "Where, here on the street?", her friend asked. "Yes. Oh, how desperate some men are?", the woman replied.
So, a street approach automatically makes an average PUA fall in the same category as the desperate man (at least in a woman's eyes). The community quickly responded to this by offering some techniques called "Negs, Push-Pull" etc, but with a few problems.
1st, women can easily recognize a fake behavior and when this behavior is not your style and definitely turns her off (like the desperate man who turns her off, it's the same).
and 2nd, if you use such techniques (especially 'neg') in a direct approach, then why you approached her in the first place? How you can tell her that "you like her and you approached her, but her shoes sucks", or whatever say to her in a desperate (for me) effort to show to her that you are not impressed by her appearance (or you just want to raise your value). The paradox here is that her appearance was the reason you approached her, so what are you trying to do? Women can understand this very well.
So, if your intention is to go direct with this ridiculously line "I saw from there and I wanted to say hi to you" (ridiculously to me at least, where after several tries I realized that this line does not work and I will explain why later), then automatically you put yourself in the same position as the previous desperate men she met.
This approach, especially the day is miserable because it gives her more thoughts rather than feelings. "Where you saw her, where and with whom you were, who sent you, did you make it for fun", is ONLY a few questions that will come to her mind when you told her this shitty line.
How nice and easy things are on animation.
From the other hand, women have an autopilot, you can stop them and tell her your "opener", but sometimes they are not listening to you, just because they are on this autopilot, they have their minds at their schedule (for example go to shopping, etc).
The moment they listen to what you want from them, let's say "to get to know her", or saying that she is cute etc, women will leave you even if they - sometimes - want you, because they are not thinking, they had a program to follow or they do not want a stranger to talk to them.
This is some common reactions you will face during the day.
Approaching a girl like this, you are giving her the idea that you do not have standards, that her appearance was the "click" for you and certainly you want to get laid. Even if you are a cool guy, with a tight game, making such an approach, you automatically put yourself in her list with many other desperate men before you, since you are showing to her your despair. Or, as a girl once said to me on a street approach: "Is anywhere on my forehead saying that I am a whore?".
I, with two friends of mine, once tried to pick up a girl on the street. Three different in many levels guys and the same girl on the same day and no one of us had success with her. A few days later, I found her in a bar where she was working and after a small talk, she agreed to go for a coffee with me.
In our discussion, I told her about our previous attempt to pick her up. She replied that many men tried this and something like this disturb her, so she immediately puts them on the list with those who are whistling her in the street and generally the desperate men. The same guy (me), the same woman but on different meetings and with different results, was something that intrigued me for further research.
And yes, it's despair for many reasons. It's despair if a guy walking around in the streets with the hope to find a girl. And if this it's not so desperate to you and me (I am doing this a lot, anyway), it's despair for women. And if you think that if you are using a "Direct line" like this, you are an awesome guy above the betas, then the marketing had already fooled you, because in a woman's eyes, you have no difference from the dozens of the guys who tried to pick her up before, with approximately the same direct pickup line on the streets and squares (no, PUAz are not the only ones who are doing this).
In this article, I will analyze more the Street/Day Game, as it is the type of game most guys do at this time while the night approach is something standard to our society, but also to women.
Of course, no woman would spend a lot of time in front of her mirror, because she wants to be approached by a random guy in the streets. For me, day game is not a trend right now, because there are some dudes who don't like going to clubs and bars to pick up women, but between us guys, let's say the truth, Day-Street-Game is a trend right now simply because most men did not saw any positive result from other approaches (night and online) and they are hoping that the 'Day Game' can give them the results they want.
Do you get it? Let me repeat it. Day Game is a trend, simply because only a few people have success in bars and clubs (and even online) and those guys are the good-looking guys, either having or not a good game.
Do you believe that if someone had a lot of success in bars and clubs, he would prefer running in the streets in order to meet women? In exception to some men who don't want to go out at night, or they don't have a wingman, most men try day game because they believe that they will see better results, because the hype of day game is huge right now (you can see so many successful approaches on Youtube, regardless that most of them are fake). Or if someone had success on Tinder, he would prefer the street game?
But why most people are not seeing results? This is something I will explain more.
Before we continue, ask yourself this, if day game is the best way for meeting women, if the women want to be approached in the streets, if an Alpha Male can seduce any woman he wants anywhere, then why all the instructors are caught to have models in their videos? Why they are not trying to seduce a girl with their game and their system they sell? Because their advice and their system DOESN'T work, that's why. Their 'system' is based on someone else's system, the so-called 'PUAs' are just copying each other.
In the following video, Johnny Berba explains how the game is played. Even he, who has many years in the game (as he says, I randomly saw this video and I know nothing about him), and he has created a "Members-only" section on Youtube (where you have to pay if you want to see more of his videos and I'm sure this will become something standard in the future), well even he have bad times even in London. Now make a comparison with the guys in the 1st video in this post and see how many successes a PUA have over the Non-PUA guys. Why do you think many PUA instructors now called as "Dating Coaches?
Truth be told, most women want to meet someone that "happened" to meet via friends, their job, other hobbies, internet etc. Surely PUAs keep saying that this is simply because today men do not approach women anymore (and therefore we all must pay them to learn their secrets). And yet, most relationships/marriages done from these social meetings and not from cold approaches. Even David De Angelo met his wife through a seminar. Oh, and men always approached girls, they didn't have to wait for Pickup to do this.
Many women have been sexually harassed on the streets. Once we approach a woman, automatically the first she thinks is if we are selling/asking for something, rather than we want to meet her. Their negative reaction sometimes happened not because they want to behave like this, but because they have bad experiences in the streets before.
I met a girl at a party recently and she told me that she met her ex though her friends. She decided to go on a date with him only after she met him other 2-3 times and after she looked at him on his Facebook page. On my question, if she would go on a date with a stranger he approaches her in a bar, and she replied negatively because simply she does not know him. She also said that she could take his number, but she will never call him or reply to his messages (we call this "flake"). And she is not a shy girl who is afraid to talk to men. Remember this, next time you have problems with flaking, or when a girl not returning your calls.
So we come to the following conclusion. Women want sex or want to date and this is the reason they spend a lot of time in front of their mirrors to look good, but they don't like to be approached by a random guy. So, what's missing here, if women want sex but they don't like to be approached by random guys?
Simply, women want to be approached by those men they like. To repeat, women want a man to approach them, but only if they already saw this guy and they like him (in a bar, for example). It sounds strange?
Once you get into a bar/club/cafeteria, every woman will check you out. Within a second, they are already seen your style, your appearance, and your body language and then will decide if you are worth as their mate or not. If you are worth, they will constantly look at you, giving you the sign that they want you to approach them.
But if they decide that you are not worth, then you simply do not exist for them (you can understand it when no woman looks at you for more than one second) and if you approach a girl that doesn't like you, then you will get her negative behavior (we call it "bitch shield" or "shit tests").
But before you think "this is bullshit, you are telling me to don't approaching girls?", I have to tell you that I am not here to tell you to don't improve yourself or don't approach girls, but the opposite. Maybe some of my opinions can be considered somehow extreme, but my opinions are based on reality and are things that many people saw, but they do not talk about because they are afraid to tell their opinion.
So here I will tell you a few simple things (because it needs a lot of writing to analyze them further), on how to approach girls and how to be sure that they want you to approach them.
I also suggest you avoid approaching a set of girls who are 18-20yrs old, especially if you are over your 30s and your game is not tight, simply because some of them love to make fun of men, especially in front of their friends. I've heard from some girls (not happened to me though) that they love to make fun of someone who approached them in front of their friends, so my advice is to stop giving them this power unless you're sure of yourself and your game. Something like this will "crush" your psychology if you are not good enough with your inner game.
This is the type of girls you should avoid if you have low self-confidence and no solid game...
Some time ago I decided to try something else, to stop approaching girls I like and instead, to try and "sell" myself to them before approaching them, while working at improving my eye-contact game. Many efforts and experiments not only helped me to figure out how to make myself seen as an alpha male without approaching them, but how to flirt with them with my eyes, until they show to me IOIs and that they want me to approach them.
I challenge you to go in a bar with your wingman/friend. Notice when you step into the bar that most women will look at you. Certainly not all the women do that and this is because many women did not go out to meet other people, but to talk with their friends (regardless of the PU scene who wants all the women to go out to fuck, many women have and friends who want to talk to, u know). The women who will look at you when you entering the bar, are the women who are looking for someone to meet (or they just waiting for someone, but in general, they are out to meet new people). Those are the women you will testing for.
Go and sit somewhere and just count how many women around you, are still looking at you. If a girl is looking at you many times, it means that she likes you and you have the green light to approach her. But if not even one girl looks at you, it means then you must improve something on your appearance. After this test, come here and comment about it.
When a woman does not like you, if she does not have any interest for you or if she is not feeling something for you (even if you just approached her), then there is nothing you can do to change her mind or her feelings, nada.
So, how can you approach a woman without... even approach her? I can not make this article very long, in order to write a lot of tips, field reports and psychology because it's already long enough, so I will add a few tips and some things that happened to me, because there are many more things to do in a bar/club in order to generate interest and attraction.
So if you are in a bar, then you can do the following. Go with your friends and stay near any girl you like and you want to approach. Don't facing her head to head, but stay in such a position, so you facing her at an angle. Now you should turn your head and stare at her often until she notices you and starts looking at you.
If she likes you, then she will look at you many times and maybe she talks about you to her friends (you can understand this easily). On the other hand, if she sees you once and then she turns to the other side and doesn't look back, then she is not into you and you have to move to another set of girls.
And this can happens in the streets, too. For example, if a girl comes towards you and she likes you, then she will smile to you or she will check you out or look at you long enough. This is a sing that she likes you and you can approach her.
In the cafeteria? The same will happen, if a girl likes you, she will stare at you frequently, and even she will play with her hair while looks at you, and maybe she will talk/laugh loudly to grab your attention. Even in the gym, if you look at a girl boldly, then if she likes you she will come closer to you, as a sign that she wants you to start talking with her. But do not expect a woman to approach you first, this is something that happens very rarely.
I will say it one more time, I am NOT telling you to don't approach women, but I give you some alternatives. This is because many men are not seeing results from their approaches and this is mainly due to the fact that women do not want this kind of approach, especially when they not given you the "OK" to approach them.
This is something that instructors will not tell you (or they do not know about it, as most of them are just repeating theories they read, that's why they are hiring girls for their videos) and if you tell them that you are not seeing any results, they will tell you that is your fault, that you need to study more, etc.
I can not give you advises like "you should try more, this line works" or "you are not good enough in the game, read more books and watch endless hours of DVDs", because I do not give this kind of advice.
Just think for a moment, they are telling you that pickup is a numbers game, right? So, they are telling you that you have to approach a lot of girls until you will meet one that she likes you. And the paradox is this, if ten girls are not like you, they will tell you that simply you don't have good game, but if a girl finally gives you her number, then they will tell you that their system worked, and you should buy more of their products, so you can have more successes.
In short, many "instructors" out there do not understand the female psychology, they are not searching more about this, they simply repeat the advises they read from elsewhere and they are telling you simply to approach dozens of girls, in order to improve yourself and take a few numbers (are we playing cards or something?), only to find out that the most of these numbers are flakes.
If they want to teach you a seduction system, then this system must work on most girls and not only on girls who are single for a long time and they will talk to anything with a penis.