If you read any dating book (or any other PU product) it is certain that you will see that they are giving great importance on approaching unknown women. Indirect, Direct, Passive, Brutal, Caveman, Pimp style or any other type of approach of so many from PU-sphere and everyone wondering what’s the best pickup line and what’s the perfect approach. The only thing, however, that anyone is not asking is “Do women want to be approached?“.
“Who cares about women?“, you may ask. If we are “Alpha Males” women will want us, you might think. But we need to know if women want to be approached by some random guys.
But again, you may say that this is not necessary, since all PUAs are saying that women wait from men to approach them and they will simply “shut up” when a man approach them (hey, we forgot about shit tests already?). We have to ask (and analyze) and the women’s aspect on this.
Note: In this article I talk mostly for cold approaches, ie once you see a girl (and either she sees you or not), either with a cooler style ( “sorry”, or “can I ask you something?”, etc.) or with a more brutal and sometimes strange style (macho-style, i-have-months-to-make-sex etc).
Although i know that articles like this will make people hate me, but I’m suggesting to think about it first, taking out of your mind every marketing shit that various self-improvement companies gave you and see things as they really are, without any fanaticism to companies and their instructors.
I’m also not suggesting you to avoid cold approaching at all. I had many positive results from cold approaches. But this type of approach is not always working and not working to each one of you. So we will analyze why is not working to everyone and how you can “game” a girl without approach her, so you can be sure about the result.
This question is something me and my wingmen had and as it seems and others too. In the following video, some women in Germany were asked how they want to be approached by men. For English subtitles, click on the gear and select them from the menu. Note that these men in this video are not PUAs (at least they are not mentioning it somewhere). Their similarities? They have the same results and they get the behavior from women, as many PUAs have in their videos, such as Johnny Berba for example. So, what’s the difference between these guys and the PU instructors? Nothing, except PUAs takes your money, of course.
My theories were usually “born” from random events, which makes me to search more and see what is true. I do not care about any PUA’s or any other guru’s the opinion on something, if I don’t see with my own eyes and through my own experiments or other people’s I know done, so I can get a safe conclusion.
So, although in cold many approaches I was getting some negative reactions like “don’t you see that I’m with my friends?”, “what do you expect from me to say in front of my friends?” etc, one particular answer from a woman make me to search about this topic.
When a friend of mine (and my wingman) approached a girl in a cafeteria (I always trying my ideas with other people with different game level and appearance, so I can understand what’s working and what’s not), she told him that he insulting her in front of her friends (and it was a very simple approach, not something weird).
Before we continue, let us ask ourselves the following. Do you know who are called by women as “desperate” and “weird”? A man who likes a girl and tells her about, and maybe acts as desperate sometimes. Is that something bad? No, he just tried to pick her up, perhaps with a strange approach, but he tried it and maybe he tried to pick up and other girls too.
You know what is the paradox of the game? That many PUAs have absolutely no difference from a desperate man, at least in the eyes of a woman (you may have heard in your approach, something like for example “Are you doing this often;” or “you have this as a profession, huh; or “you say this to all girls, aren’t you?” etc), showing to you that they are not satisfied by the fact that you “just find her attractive and you wanted to say a hello“.
An approach with big confidence sometimes shows to the girl that is something you are doing everyday and you just looking desperate to get laid -at least on her eyes.
Unless, of course, if you believe that if a woman sees you walking around the streets, approaching every girl you see, she believe that you are an Alpha male who fucks every day and women are begging him to make love to them.
I remember watching a friend approaches a woman on a street (I was ahead to see their reactions) and when she rejected him, she came to her friend who -by luck- waited near me. Then I heard her to say “you will not believe it, a guy just tried to pick me up“. “Where, here in the street?”, she asked her friend. “Yes. Oh, how desperate some men are?”, the woman who was approached by my friend said.
So, a street approach automatically makes an average PUA fall in the same category as the desperate man (at least on a woman’s eyes). The community quickly responded to this by offering some techniques called “Negs, Push-Pull” etc, but with a few problems.
1st, women can easily recognize a fake behavior and that this behavior is not your style and definitely turns her off (like a desperate man, u know)
and 2nd, if you using such techniques (especially neg) in a direct approach, then what’s the reason you approach her in the first place? How you can tell her that “you like her and you approached her, but her shoes sucks“, or whatever you find to say to her in a desperate (for me) effort to show to her that you are not impressed by her appearance (or you just want to raise your value). The paradox here is that her appearance was the reason you approached her, so what are you trying to do? Women can understand this very well.
So, if your intention is to go direct with this ridiculously line “I saw from there and I wanted to meet you” (ridiculously to me, where after several tries I realized that does not work and I will explain why later), then automatically put yourself in the same position as the previous desperate men she met.
This approach, especially the day is miserable because it gives her more thoughts rather than feelings. Where you saw her, where and with whom you were, who sent you, did you make it for fun, is ONLY a few questions that will come to her mind when you told her this shitty line.
How nice and easy things are, with animation.
From the other hand, women have an autopilot, you can stop them and tell her your “opener”, but sometimes they are not listening to you, just because they are on this autopilot, they have their minds at their schedule (for example go to shopping, etc).
The moment when they are listen what you want from them, let’s sat “to get to know her”, or saying that she is cute etc, women will leave you even if they -sometimes- want you, because they are not thinking, they had a program to follow or they do not want a stranger to talk to them.
This is some common reactions you will face during the day.
Approaching a girl like this, you are giving her the idea that you do not have standards, that her appearance was the “click” for you and certainly you want to get laid. Even if you are a cool guy, with a tight game, making such an approach, you automatically put yourself in her list with many other desperate men before you, since you are showing to her your despair. Or, as a girl once said in a street approach: “Is any writing on my forehead saying that I am a whore?”.
I with two friends of mine once tried to pick up a girl in the street. Three different in many levels guys, and the same girl in the same day and no one of us had success with her. A few days later, I found her in a bar she worked and after a small talk, she agreed to go for a coffee with me.
In our discussion, I told her about our previous attempt. She replied that many men tried this and something like this disturb her, so she immediately puts them in the list with those who are whistling her in the street and generally the hopeless men. The same guy, the same woman but on different meetings was something that intrigued me for further research.
And yes, it’s despair for many reasons. It’s despair if a guy walking around in the streets with the hope to find a girl. And if this it’s not so despair to you and me (I am doing this a lot, anyway), it’s despair for women. And if you thing that if you are use a “Direct line” like this, you are an awesome guy above the betas, then the marketing had already fooled you, because on a woman’s eyes, you have no difference from the dozens of the guys who tried with her before, with approximately the same direct pickup line in the streets and squares (no, PUAz are not the only ones who do this).
In this article I will analyze more the Street/Day Game, as it is the type of game most guys do at this time while the night approach is something standard to our society, but also to women.
Not a single woman spend a lot of time in front of her mirror, because she wants to be approached by a random guy in the streets. For me, day game is not a trend right now because there are so many guys who don’t like going in clubs and bars to pickup women, but between us guys, let’s say the truth, Day-Street-Game is a trend right now simply because most men did not saw any positive result from other approaches (night and online) and they hope that Day Game can give them the results they want.
Do you believe that if someone had a lot of success in a bar or a club, he would prefer running in the streets in order to meet a woman? In exception to some men who don’t want to go out at night, or they don’t have a wingman, most men doing day game because they believe that they will see better results, because the hype of daygame is huge right now (you can see so many successful approaches on Youtube, regardless that most of them are fake). But why most people are not seeing results? This is something I want to explain more.
Before we continue, ask yourself this, if daygame is the best way for meeting women, if the women want to be approached in the streets, if an Alpha Male can seduce any woman he wants anywhere, then why all the instructors are caught to have models in their videos? Why they are no just try and seduce a girl with their game and system? Because their advices and their system DOESN’T work, that’s why.
In the following video, Johnny Berba explains how the game is played. Even he, who has years in the game (as he says, I randomly saw this video and I know nothing about him), and he has created a “Members-only” section on Youtube (where you pay to see more of his videos and I’m sure it will become something standard in the future), well even he have bad times even in London. Now make a comparison with the guys in the 1st video above and see how many successes a PUA have over the Non-PUA guys. Why do you think many PUA instructors now called as “Dating Coaches?
Truth be told, most women want to meet someone that “happened” to meet via friends, job, other hobbies, internet etc. Surely PUAs keep saying that this is simply because today men are not approach women (and therefore we all must pay to them and learn the secrets of the best approach). And yet, most relationships/marriages become from these social meetings and not from cold approaching. Even David De Angelo met his wife though a seminar. Oh, and men always approached girls, they didn’t wait for Pickup to do this.
Most women have been sexually harassed on the streets. Once we approach one woman, automatically the first they think is if we are selling/asking for something, rather than we want to meet them. Their negative reaction sometimes happened not because they want to behave like this, but because they have bad experiences in the streets before.
I met a girl in a party recently and she told me that she met her ex though her friends. She decided to go on a date with him only after she met him another 2-3 times and after she looked at him on his Facebook page. On my question if she will do something with a stranger, if he approach her in a bar, he replied negatively because she simply do not know him from somewhere. She can take his number, but she will never call him or reply to his messages (we call this “flake”). And she is not a shy girl who is afraid to meet people. Remember this, next time you have problems with flaking, or a girl is not returning your calls.
So we come to the following. Women want sex or dating and spend a lot of time in front of their mirrors to looking good, but they don’t like to be approached by a random guy. So, what’s missing, if women want sex but they don’t want to be approached by random guys? Women want to be approached by men who they already have chosen. To repeat, women want a man to approach them, but only if they already like this man (in a bar, for example). It sounds strange?
Once you get into a bar/club/cafeteria, all the women will turn towards you and immediately judge you. Within a second, they are already seen your style, your appearance and they decided if you are worth as their mate or not. If you are worth, they will constantly look at you, giving you the sign that they want to be approached by you.
But if they decide that you are not worth, then you simply do not exist for them and if you approach a girl that don’t likes you, then you will have and the analogous behavior (we call this “bitch shield” or “shit tests”).
But before you think “this is bullshit, you are now telling me to not approaching girls?“, I have to tell you that I am not here to tell you to not improve yourself or to not approach girls, but the opposite. Maybe some of my opinions can be considered somehow extreme, but my opinions are based on reality and are things that many people saw, but they do not say because they are afraid to tell their opinion. So here I will tell you a few simple things (because it needs a lot of writing to analyze them further), on how to approach girls and how to be sure that they want you to approach them.
I also suggest you to avoid approaching a set of girls who are 18-20yrs old, especially if you are over your 30s and your game is not tight, simply because some of them love to make fun of men, especially in front of their friends. I’ve heard from some girls (not happened to me though) that they love to make fun of someone who approached them in front of their friends, so my advice is to not give them this power unless you’re sure of yourself and your game. Something like this will “crush” your psychology, if you are not good enough with your inner game.
This is the type of girls you should avoid, if your game is not good enough…
Some time ago I decided to try something else, to stop approaching girls I like and instead, to try and “sell” myself to them before approach them, while trying to improve my eye-contact game. Many efforts and experiments not only helped me to figure out how to show myself as an alpha male without approach them, but how to flirt with them using my eyes only, until they showing to me that they want me to approach them.
I challenge you to go in a bar with a friend of yours. Notice when you step into the bar that most women will look at you. Certainly not all the women do that and this is because many women did not come to a bar to meet other people, but to talk with their friends (regardless of the PU scene who wants all the women to go out to fuck, many women have and friends who want to talk to, u know). The women who will look at you when you entering the bar, are the women who are looking for someone to meet (or they just waiting for someone, but in general, they are out to meet new people). Those are the women we will testing for.
Go an sit somewhere and just look how many women around you, are still looking at you. If a girl is looking at you many times, it means that she likes you and you have the green light to approach her. But if even a single girl is not looking at you, it means than you must improve something on your appearance. After this test, come here and comment about it.
When a woman does not like you, if she does not have any interest for you or if she is not feeling something for you (even when you just approached her), then there is nothing you can do to change her mind or her feelings, nada.
So, how can you approach a woman without even approach her? I can not make this article very long, in order to write a lot of tips, reports and psychology because it’s already long enough, so I will add small tips and some things that happened to me, because there are many more things to do in a bar/club in order to generate interest and attraction.
So if you are in a bar, then you can do the following. Go with your friends and stay near to any girl you want to approach. Don’t facing her head to head, but stay in such position, so you facing her at an angle, while turning your head and stare at her often, until she notices you and starts look at you.
If she likes you, then she will looking at you many times and maybe she talk about you to her friends. On the other hand, if she sees you once and then she turns to the other side and doesn’t looking back, then she is not into you and you have to move to another set of girls.
And this can happens in the streets, too. For example, if a girl comes towards you and she likes you, then she will smile to you or she will stare at you or look at you long enough. This is the sing that she likes you and you can approach her.
In the cafeteria? The same will happen, if a girl likes you, she will stare at you frequently, and even she will play with her hair, and maybe she will talk/laugh loudly to grab your attention. Even in the gym, if you look at a girl boldly, then if she likes you she will come closer to you, as a sign that she wants you to talk her. But do not expect a women to approach you first, this is something that happens very rarely.
I have to say again that I am telling you to avoid cold approaches, but I give you some alternatives. This is because many men are not seeing results from their approaches and this is mainly due to the fact that women do not want this kind of approach, especially when they not given you the “OK” to approach them.
This is something that instructors will not tell you (or they do not know about it, as most of them are just repeating the theories they read, that’s why they are hiring girls for their videos) and if you tell them that you are not seeing any results, they will tell to you that is your fault, that you need to study more.
I can not give you advises like “you should try more, this line works” or “you are not good in the game, read more books and watch endless hours of DVDs“, because I do not give this kind of advice.
Just think for a moment, they are telling you that pickup is a numbers game, right? So, they are telling you that you have to approach a lot of girls, until you will meet one that she likes you. And the paradox is this, if ten girls are not like you, they will tell you that simply you don’t have good game, but if a girl finally gives you her number, then they will tell you that their system worked, and you should buy more of their products, so you can have more successes.
In short, many “instructors” out there do not understand the female psychology, they are not searching more about this, they simply repeat the advises they read from elsewhere and they are telling you simply to approach dozens of girls, in order to improve yourself and take a few numbers (are we playing cards or something?), only to find out that the most of these numbers are flakes. If they want to teach you a seduction system, then this system must works on most girls and not only on girls who are alone for a long time and they will talk to anyone.