If you read any dating book (or any other PU product) it is certain that you will see that they are giving great importance on approaching unknown women. Indirect, Direct, Calm, very Calm, Brutal, Caveman style, Pimp style or any other type of approaches of so many from PU-sphere and everyone wondering what’s the best pickup line and how is the perfect approach. The only thing, however, that anyone is not asking is «Do women want to be approached?»
«Who cares about women?«, you may ask. If we are «Alpha Males» women would want us, you might think. But we need to know if women want random guys to approach them. But again you might say that this is not necessary, since all PUAs saying that women expect men to approach them and they will simply «shut up» when a man approach her (Hey, we forgot about shit tests already?). Well, we decided to ask (and analyze) and the female aspect about this.
Note: In this article I refer purely on cold approach, ie once you see a girl (and she see you either or not), either with a cooler style ( «sorry», «can I ask you something?», etc.) or with a more brutal and sometimes strange style (macho-style, i-have-months-to-make-sex etc). Although i know that articles like this will make me an «enemy» to the community, but i am suggesting to you to think well, putting out of your mind every marketing effort of the various self-improvement companies and to see things as they really are, without any fanaticism to companies and their instructors.
I also not saying to avoid cold approaching. I had many positive results from cold approaches. But this type of approach is not always working and not working to all. So we will analyze why is not always working and how you can play a girl without approach her, so you can be sure about the result.
This question is something me and my wingmen had and as it seems and others. In the following video, they are asking some women in Germany how they want men to approach them. For English subtitles, click on the gear and select them from the menu. Note that these men in this video are not dealing with Pickup (at least they are not mentioning it somewhere). Their similarities? They have the same results and the same behavior from women, as many PUAs have in their videos, such as Johnny Berba for example. So, what’s the difference between these guys and PU instructors? Nothing, except PUAs takes your money.
Many theories i am writing here usually «born» from random events, which makes me to searching more and see what is true. I do not care about any opinions PUAs may have, if i don’t see it with my eyes and through my own experiments, i can’t write about it. And this something which make me putting in play and other people’s experiments and see what they do, so i can get a safe conclusion.
So, although in many approaches i was getting some negative behaviors like «don’t you see that i’m with my friends?», «what you expect from me to say in front of my friends?» etc, one particular answer from a woman make me to search about this topic. When a friend of mine (and my wingman) approached a girl in a cafeteria (i always trying my ideas with other people with different game level and appearance, so i can understand what is working and what is not), she told him that he insulting her in front of her friends (and it was a very simple approach, not something strange).
Before we continue, let us ask ourselves the following. Do you know who women call as «desperate» and «weird»? The men who like a girl and show it in a different way, perhaps desperate sometimes. What harm does a man who likes a woman? Nothing bad, he just tried to pick her up, perhaps with a strange type of approach, but he tried it and maybe he tried to pick up and other girls.
You know what is the paradox of the game? That many PUAz have absolutely no difference from desperate men, at least in the eyes of a woman (you may have heard in your approach, something like for example «Are you doing this often;» or «you have this as a profession, huh; or «you say this to all girls, aren’t you?» etc), showing to you that they are not satisfied by the fact that you «just find her attractive and you wanted to say a hello«. An approach with huge confidence sometimes shows to the girl that is something you are doing everyday and you just looking desperate to get laid.
Unless, of course, if you believe that if a woman sees you walking around the streets, approaching every girl you see, she believe that you are an Alpha male who fu*ks every day and women are begging him to make love to them.
I remember watching a friend approaches a woman on a street (I was ahead to see their reactions) and when she rejected him, she came to her friend who -by luck- waited near me. Then I heard her to say «you will not believe it, a guy just tried to pick me up«. «Where, here in the street?», she asked her friend. «Yes. Oh, how desperate some men are?», the woman my friend approached said.
So, a street approach automatically makes an average PUA fall in the same category as the desperate man (at least in the eyes of a woman). The community quickly responded to this by offering some techniques «Negs, Push-Pull» etc, but with a few glitches.
1st, women recognize a fake behavior and quickly they can understand that this behavior is not your style and definitely turns her off (like a desperate man, u know)
and 2nd, if you using such techniques (especially neg) in a direct approach, then what is the reason you approach her? You can not try to pass her the idea that »you like her and you approached her, but her shoes sucks«, or whatever you find to say to her in a desperate (for me) trying to show to her that you are not impressed by her appearance (or you want to just raise your value). The paradox here is that her appearance was the reason you approached her, so what are you trying to do? Women can understand this very well.
So, if your intention is to go direct with this ridiculously line «I saw from there and I wanted to meet you» (ridiculously to me, where after several trials I realized that does not work and i will explain why), then automatically you put yourself in the same position as the previous desperate men she met.
This approach, especially the day is miserable because it gives her more thoughts rather than feelings. Where you saw her, where and with whom you were, who sent you, did you make it for fun, is ONLY a few questions that come to her mind when you told her your line.
How nice and easy things are, with animation.
From the other hand, women have an autopilot, you can stop them and tell your «opener», but sometimes they are not listening to you, just because they are in this autopilot, they have in their mind their schedule (for example go to shopping, etc). The moment when they are listen what you want from them, let’s sat «to get to know her», or saying that she is cute etc, women will leave you even if they want you (sometimes), because they are not thinking, they had a program to follow or they do not want a stranger to talk to them.
This is some common reactions you will face during the day.
Approaching a girl like this, you are giving her the idea that you do not have standards, that her appearance was the «click» for you and certainly you want to get laid. Even if you are a cool guy, with a tight game, making such an approach, you automatically put yourself together with many other desperate men before you, since you are showing to her your despair. Or, as a girl once said in a street approach: «Is any writing on my forehead saying that i am a whore?».
Two friends of mine and me tried once to pick up a girl in the street. Three different in many levels guys, and the same girl in the same day and no one of us had success with her. A few days later, i found her in a bar she worked and after a small talk, she agreed to go for a coffee with me. In our discussion, i told her about our previous attempt. She replied that many men tried this and something like this disturb her, so she immediately puts them in the list with those who are whistling her in the street and generally the hopeless men. The same guy, the same woman but on different meetings was something that intrigued me for further research.
And yes, it’s despair for many reasons. It’s despair if a guy walking around he streets with the hope to find a girl. And if this is not so despair to you and me (i am doing this a lot, anyway), is despair for women. And if you thing that if you are used a «Direct line» like this, you are an awesome guy above the betas, then the marketing had fooled you, because in the eyes of a woman, you have no difference from the dozens of the guys who tried on her before, with approximately the same direct pickup line in the streets and squares (no, PUAz are not the only ones who do this).
In this article i will analyze more the Street/Day Game, as it is the hot type of game at this time while the night approach is something standard to our society, but also to women. No woman spends a lot of time in front of her mirror in the day, because no woman wants or waits to be approached in the streets. For me, day game born not only for the guys who don’t like going in clubs and bars, but between us guys, let’s say the truth, Day-Street-Game born simply because most men did not see any positive results from other approaches (night and online).
Do you believe that if someone had a lot of success in a bar or a club, he would prefer running in the streets in order to meet a woman? In exception to some men who don’t want to go out at night, or they don’t have a wingman, most men doing day game because they believe that they will see results, because the hype of daygame is huge right now (you can see so many successful approaches on Youtube, regardless that most of them are fake). But why most people are not seeing results? This is something i want to explain more.
Before we continue, ask yourself this, if daygame is must for meeting women, if the women want to be approached in the streets, if an Alpha Male can seduce any woman anywhere, then why all the instructors are caught to have models in their videos? Why they are no just try and seduce a girl with their game and system?
In the following video, Johnny Berba exlpains how the game is played. Even he, who has years in the game (as he says, i randomly saw this video and i do not know more about him), and has created a «Members-only» section on Youtube (where you pay to see most video and i’m sure it will become something standard in the future), well even he have bad times even in London. Now make a comparison with the guys in the 1st video above and see how many successes a PUA have over the Non-PUA guys. Why do you think many PUA instructors now called as «Dating Coaches?
Truth be told, most women want to meet someone that «happened» to meet via friends, job, other hobbies, internet etc. Surely PUAs keep saying that this is simply because today men are not approach women (and therefore we all must pay to them and learn the secrets of the correct approach). And yet, most relationships/marriages become from these social meetings and not from cold approaching. Even David De Angelo met his wife though a seminar. Oh, and men always approached girls, they didn’t wait for Pickup to do this.
Most women have been sexually harassed on the streets. Once we approach one woman, automatically the first they think is if we are selling/asking for something, rather than we want to meet them. Their negative reaction sometimes happened not because the want it, but because they have bad experiences.
I met a girl in a party recently and she told me that she met her ex though her friends. She decided to go on a date with him only after she met him another 2-3 times and after she looked at him on his Facebook page. On my question if she will do something with a stranger, if he approach her in a bar, he replied negatively because she simply do not know him from somewhere. She can take his number, but she will never call him or reply to his messages (we call this as «flake»). And she is not a shy girl who is afraid to meet people. Remember this, next time you have problems with flaking, or a girl is not returning your calls.
So we come to the following. Women want sex or dating and spend a lot of time in front of their mirrors to look good, but they don’t like to be approached by a random guy. So, what’s missing, if women want sex but they don’t want random guys to approach them? Women want to be approached by men who themselves have chosen. To repeat, women want a man to approach them, but only if they like this man (in a bar, for example). It seems strange?
Once you get into a bar/club/cafeteria, all the women will turn towards you and immediately judge you. Within a second, they are already seen your style, your appearance and they decided if you are worth as a mate. If you are worth, they will constantly look at you, giving you the sign that they want you to approach them. But if they decide that you are not worth, then you simply do not exist for them and if you approach a girl that don’t likes you, then you will have and the analogous behavior (called «bitch shield» or «shit tests»).
But before you think «this is bullshit, you are now telling us to not approaching girls?«, i have to tell you that i am not here to tell you to not improve yourself or to not approach girls, but the opposite. Maybe some of my opinions to be considered somewhat extreme, but my opinions are based on reality and are things that many people saw, but they do not say because they are afraid to tell their opinion. So here i will tell you a few simple things (because it needs a lot of writing to analyze), on how to approach girls and how to be sure that they want you to approach them.
I also suggest you to avoid approaching a set of girls who are 18-20yrs old, especially if you are on your 30s and above and your game is not tight, simply because some of them love to make fun of you, especially in front of their friends. I’ve heard from some girls (not happened to me) that they love to make fun of someone who approached them in front of their friends, so do not give them this power unless you’re sure of yourself and your game. Something like this will «crush» your psychology, if you are not good enough with your inner game.
Some time ago I decided to try something else, to stop approaching girls i like and instead, i tried to «sell» myself to them before approach them, while trying to improve my eye-contact game. Many efforts and experiments not only helped me to figure out how to show myself as an alpha male without approach them, but how to flirt with them using my eyes from afar, until they showing to me that they want me to approach them.
I challenge you to go in a bar with a friend of yours. Notice when you step into the bar that most women will look at you. Certainly not all women and this is because many women did not come to a bar to meet other people, but to talk with their friends (regardless of the PU scene who wants all the women to go out to fu*k, many women have and friends who want to talk to, u know). The women who will look at you when you entering the bar, means that these women wants to meet someone (or they just waiting for someone, but in general, they are out to meet new people). These are the women we will testing.
Then go an sit somewhere and just observe how many women around you, are still looking at you. If a girl is looking at you many times, it means that she likes you and you have the green light to approach her. But if not even one girl looking at you, it means than you must improve something on your appearance. After this test, come here and comment about it.
When a woman does not like you, if she does not have any interest for you or if she is not feeling something for you (even when you just approached her), then there is nothing you can do to change her mind or her feelings, nada.
So, how can you approach a woman without approaching her? I can not make this article very long, in order to write a lot of tips, reports and psychology because it is already long enough, so I will add small tips and some things that happened to me, because there are many more things to do in a bar/club in order to generate interest and attraction.
So if you are in a bar, then you can do the following. Go with your friends and stay near to this girl you want to approach. Don’t facing her head on, but stay in such position, so you facing her at an angle, while turning your head and stare at her often, until she notices you and look at you. If she likes you, then she will looking at you many times and maybe she talk about you to her friends. On the other hand, if she sees you once and then she turns to the other side and don’t look back, then she is not into you and you have to move to another set of girls.
And this can happens in the streets, too. For example, if a girl comes towards you and she likes you, then she will smile to you or she will stare at you or look at you long enough. This is the sing that she likes you and you can approach her.
In the cafeteria? The same will happen, if a girl likes you, she will stare at you frequently, and even she will play with her hair, and maybe she will talk/laugh loudly to get your attention. Even in the gym, if you look at a girl boldly, then if she likes you she will come closer to you, as a sign that she wants to talk. But do not expect a women to approach you first, this is something very rare to happen.
I have to say again that i am telling you to avoid cold approaches, but i give you some alternatives. This is because many men are not seeing results from their approaches and this is mainly due to the fact that women do not want this kind of approach, especially when they not given you the «OK» to approach them. This is something that instructors will not tell you (or they do not know, as most of them are just repeating the theories they read, that’s why they are hiring girls for their videos) and if you tell them that you are not seeing any results, they will reply to you that is your fault, that you need more study.
I can not give you advises like «you should try more, this line works» or «you are not good in the game, read more books and watch endless hours of DVDs«, because i do not give this kind of advice.
Just think for a moment, they are telling you that pickup is a numbers game, aren’t they? So, they are telling you that you have to approach a lot of girls, until you will meet a girl who likes you. And the paradox is this, if ten girls are not like you, they will tell you that simply you don’t have game, but if a girl finally gives you her number, then they will tell you that their system works, and you should buy more of their products, so you can have more successes.
In short, many «instructors» out there do not understand the female psychology, they are not searching more about this, they simply repeat the advises they read from elsewhere and they are telling you simply to approach dozens of girls, in order to improve yourself and take a few numbers (are we playing lotto or something?), only to find out that the most of these numbers are flakes. If they want to teach you a seduction system, then this system must works on most girls and not only on girls who are alone for a long time and they will talk to anyone.