Let's say you see a beautiful girl you want to meet. Do you get nervous only by thinking about it? Or you get anxious around beautiful women? Does your heart flutter and you can't think of what you would say if you even did approach her? If yes, then you have approach anxiety.
Approach anxiety (AA) is affecting your ability to attract and date beautiful, higher quality women. AA is this little voice in your head stopping you every time you want to make a move with a woman.
Unfortunately, based on my own experiences, it seems that most AA advice out there is coming from people who haven't cured it themselves or they still have problems approaching a woman. And that kind of advice can actually work against you for years even creating more anxiety.
If you don't know what is creating your anxiety, the prospects aren't looking good because no matter what you say or do, you might end up becoming more anxious.
You see, a beautiful woman has value, she knows it, you know it. Her beauty and sexiness have an instant effect on men. If you can approach beautiful women without any fear and knowing exactly what to say and do, then congratulations, you don't have AA.
But if you're having butterflies to these women and feel like you can't say a word, and you have tried some of the solutions PUAs say, then let's see how these AA solutions are actually increasing the problem.
"Just feel the fear and do it anyway" This is just not going to work. Yet, it seems like the only 'real' answer PUA's can give. How can you force yourself to approach women, if you're extremely nervous? And if you do it anyway, the anxiety remains, thus it creates more anxiety. And if you approach tens of women having AA or being anxious, you will experience only rejection, making a fool of yourself and creating a deeper problem.
If it took mPUA's a few years to be able to approach random women with comfort, then do you believe that there is a shortcut for you and you can do it in a few days?
Even so, it means you are going to have to approach hundreds of women with that in mind, to cure your anxiety, before being able to make some closes. Do you have time for that? And even with no AA, PUAs still have to approach a lot of women, in order to have sex with a few of them.
'Feeling the fear and do it anyway' is not a cure to the core problem but merely a temporary solution to the problem. Never resolving the real cause of AA.
"Work on your 'Inner Game'" This is a pretty popular advice in the dating industry, as it seems everyone is teaching it. And you may read it and from me sometimes.
You see, the inner game is a great place to start if you have the right map. But without the right map, then 'inner game' is just not going to work. If it really was as great as it's supposed to be, then why do you still have anxiety around the hot and beautiful women that you really want to meet? This tells us that either PUAs now nothing about 'inner game', or they teaching it wrong.
"It's your fault. Fix yourself. Be in state" If you believe that there is a problem on you and it's your fault being a loser, then you are entering in a psychological loop, where you start questioning everything on you and you want to fix them so you can be 'perfect'. Yet, some dudes with no 'game', no 'PU knowledge', and without giving a flying [email protected] about 'inner game', having the best women, and I'm talking about 'bad boys'.
"Use Affirmations" Repeat 100 times in front of a mirror "I can approach any woman I want." Then, try to approach a beautiful woman and you still go back to square one.
Affirmations are a good idea and they really helped me a few times, but what you want to cure your AA requires something with more power. You see, your mind just can't accept a lie and your body and results are showing the truth. How can an AFC attract or approach a gorgeous woman who can have any man she wants? Especially when you don't have the experience to back it up and this all creates more anxiety.
"Just be confident" I heard it many times, you heard it too. It's the most common advice you will ever hear. You don't have control over your nervousness, then how can you be confident around beautiful women?
A man who is 'natural', may be able to have confidence when talking to beautiful women, but he can't give you the solution how to become confident too. So you're left trying to figure out clues on your own due to the fact that what dating experts or PUA's say sound difficult, unnatural, irrelevant and creates more anxiety. You haven't found a way yet to just 'be' confident around beautiful women in reality.
"The 3 Second Rule" The 3-second rule says to 'approach a woman within 3 seconds' so you can stop yourself from thinking about it. This is actually generally good advice as a rule of thumb but the fact is that in reality you still can't approach a woman you like, because you still are anxious. The 3-second rule is not a cure for anxiety, it's just a temporary fix to your mind.
Thus, it can create even more anxiety, because now you are forcing yourself to approach this woman, and you have to approach her within a limited time.
"Just open some sets to warm up" Talking with random people when you are in a bar or a club, is a good idea and can help you to improve your social skills. When you have no fear, you can literally make new friends out from nowhere, because you are able to talk to anyone.
But talking to other people to warm up (before you want to 'game' women) or having it as a cure or solution to anxiety, is not going to work. Because it's not dealing with the core issue itself and you have to do a lot of approaches like this before being able to approach a '10'. It's more like a coverup, not a cure.
"Showing social status" This is what is supposed to work but sometimes women using you to get free drinks or to meet other men through you. Not being able to attract and connect with a woman, leading you nowhere.
Yeah, you can be a 'friend' with the manager, you can say 'hi' to the barman, you can buy the V.I.P. table, but this needs time and money, and this is like you are paying for the girls. This will leave you with empty pockets and even more anxiety because you still have no clue how to attract women and how to cure your AA.
"Always have something good to say" Let's face it, the most successful players, don't use pick up lines or 'DHV' stories. Their body language and their confidence say everything to women.
So even when you 'memorize' a good story, it's not going to work, because you're thinking too much. It's your physiological energy that is telling her she is above you and that you try really hard to impress her.
You can use a good funny line to 'break the ice', but she's not going to give you much more room if you don't have confidence and your body language together.
"Work on the social dynamics'" PUAs love this game. They made a rocket ship science out of the most basic thing: a man meets a woman. There is no need to change your entire lifestyle in order to impress a girl or win her approval when you can be powerful enough to make women draw into you.
As you can see, these 'solutions' not only don't cure anxiety but often bring issues you didn't have before. You may have tried everything and still, the anxiety remains.
This is because they don't have a real cure and most of them haven't fully cured it themselves. They don't know what the cause is.
To cure your AA and be confident around women, confident and strong so you can say anything you want to them, even sexually things, requires having the right map. Just like when you want to travel to an unknown city you rely on a good GPS or a map, and if you don't have the right map you end up having anxiety or lost, and if you want to cure your AA you need the right map to guide you.